Life in the D

As I've stated before, I live in Detroit and I have to say I'm proud of this city. Ok I don't live in Detroit, but a western suburb. I was born in the city though and lived here for the first ten years of my life. I also work downtown and pay taxes to the city so I think I can call my self a Detroiter.

Detroit has gotten a bad rap for years. Yes some of it is well deserved, but most is bandwagoning by people that have never been here. Things like Devil's Night (the night before Halloween when people used to torch abandoned buildings by the hundreds) and sports championships that result in riots get mentioned time and time and time again. Too bad people don't realize that Devil's Night has been almost completely extinguished. We haven't had any problems with championship celebrations in 15 years. Can Boston or Denver say the same?

The city has changed so much in just the three years that I've started working here again. Events like the All-Star Game and the Superbowl helped. They didn't bring in the money that the leagues promised. What they did do is force both the city and the suburbs to work together to put their best face on for the national, and even more importantly, local media.

For too long, Detroit's neighbors have ignored it's problems. It's been an atmosphere of city vs. suburbs since before I was born. Suburbanites are starting to come around though. They're starting to take some pride from the name Detroit. They're starting to want Detroit to be successful.

Yes, Detroit still has it's problems. All big cities do, but it's amazing to drive around the downtown area and see a new development beginning every week. From the bars to the restaurants to the lofts to the office buildings. It won't happen over night, but the tides are changing and it's a hell of a feeling to be part of it.

I am a Detroiter.

This Man is a Guilty Island

We packed the family up to go see mom this weekend. It was a good visit. We tried not to get into the cancer too much as it's still a little to fresh in everybody's mind. I'm not the only one who needs to be an optimist here.

While there I got to see an old very good friend. This guy was one of my best friends through high school and into college. I chose to move away when I graduated and he stayed there.

I suppose a little back story is in order here. I grew up in the city (big bad Detroit, or DEEtroit as they said up north) until I was 10. My parents decided they had enough and moved up north and into the woods. I adapted a bit, but I am a city boy. I couldn't wait to get out of there. My friends being from the rural area that they were their whole life don't appreciate the wonder of suburban life. Overpriced houses, yards smaller than their driveways and the traffic. Oh, the traffic! What's not to love?

Ok so it isn't for everybody, but it's where I belong.

So I moved back to the metro area as soon as I could. For a while I kept in close contact with all my friends. Then it started to get longer and longer between visits and talks. Part of this was due to my moving around the country with stays in Chicago and Boston, but most of it I think was my fault.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it was just one or two, but it is most of the people I come in contact with and consider friends. I like these people. Why is it so hard for me to call them once in a while?

The reasons for this are twofold:

1) As I stated before, I'm a procrastinator. "I'll call them after Lost. Well it's too late to call now." Of course the guilt kicks in after a while and I don't want to explain that I was too lazy to call or worse that I chose Lost over calling them.

2) I'm an inherently selfish person. It's probably my worst character flaw. I know I am, but I don't want to be. The problem is I don't realize it when I'm doing it. Sure afterward I'll recognize it, but while it's happening I'm too busy thinking of what I want to be doing or what I can get out of something instead of thinking how it's affecting those people that I care about.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well I've admitted it and I'm working on it. It's an uphill battle after all these years but I'll hopefully get there.

Happy Birthday! Here's a Kick in the Nuts.

My birthday was on Friday. It was also the day we found out that my mother has lung cancer.

Now I was ready for this. I fully expected it. After all, she had smoked for the better part of 40 years. Several years ago they diagnosed her with emphysema and she continued to smoke. A couple years ago they put her on oxygen and she continued to smoke. Last year she had to stop working because of it and continued to smoke.

I used to try to convince her to stop. At various times she would tell me she had and I'd find out she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. I finally came to the realization that she won't ever quit and it will kill her so I stopped trying. I'm tired of her lying to me about it. It doesn't help either of us.

So after the most recent trip to the emergency room because she couldn't breathe, they found a dark mass in her lungs from the x-ray. They put her through several tests culminating with a needle biopsy.

I knew the word was coming and was preparing myself for it. I had taken half a day off work because of my birthday and found out by accident through a cousin. Mom was waiting till I got off work to call with the news. I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was.

I was trying not to cry when I talked to her. That didn't work. I tried not to let her know I was crying, but I'm sure that didn't work either. It's hard enough for me to cope with this news, I can only imagine what it would be like for the person actually going through it.

I want to stay positive. I want to think that this is something she can beat, but with her history and current condition it's difficult. But I will do it for her sake and my own. I am normally an optimist. I need to be an optimist. The alternative is too grim to think about.

I hope that she will respond well to the treatment. I hope that she will get to see her grandchildren grow up. I hope that my daughter will have actual memories of time spent with her grandmother instead of vague recollections from when she was 2. I hope.