This Man is a Guilty Island

We packed the family up to go see mom this weekend. It was a good visit. We tried not to get into the cancer too much as it's still a little to fresh in everybody's mind. I'm not the only one who needs to be an optimist here.

While there I got to see an old very good friend. This guy was one of my best friends through high school and into college. I chose to move away when I graduated and he stayed there.

I suppose a little back story is in order here. I grew up in the city (big bad Detroit, or DEEtroit as they said up north) until I was 10. My parents decided they had enough and moved up north and into the woods. I adapted a bit, but I am a city boy. I couldn't wait to get out of there. My friends being from the rural area that they were their whole life don't appreciate the wonder of suburban life. Overpriced houses, yards smaller than their driveways and the traffic. Oh, the traffic! What's not to love?

Ok so it isn't for everybody, but it's where I belong.

So I moved back to the metro area as soon as I could. For a while I kept in close contact with all my friends. Then it started to get longer and longer between visits and talks. Part of this was due to my moving around the country with stays in Chicago and Boston, but most of it I think was my fault.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it was just one or two, but it is most of the people I come in contact with and consider friends. I like these people. Why is it so hard for me to call them once in a while?

The reasons for this are twofold:

1) As I stated before, I'm a procrastinator. "I'll call them after Lost. Well it's too late to call now." Of course the guilt kicks in after a while and I don't want to explain that I was too lazy to call or worse that I chose Lost over calling them.

2) I'm an inherently selfish person. It's probably my worst character flaw. I know I am, but I don't want to be. The problem is I don't realize it when I'm doing it. Sure afterward I'll recognize it, but while it's happening I'm too busy thinking of what I want to be doing or what I can get out of something instead of thinking how it's affecting those people that I care about.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well I've admitted it and I'm working on it. It's an uphill battle after all these years but I'll hopefully get there.